Does it get any better than eating strawberry ice cream with your toddler while admiring an overflow of pride covering their happy little face? Nope.

For the last two weeks at gymnastics Jamison has clung to me like I was the loop side and he was the hook side of an industrial strength velcro. Interestingly enough he had spent two prior gymnastics lessons fully enjoying the experience only for the third week to be filled with fear and insecurities. I'm not sure exactly what caused the change but I have some theories. Maybe it was that his best friend Madeleine had also become fearful on that third day and ran to her mommy, Jamison was quick to follow suit. Maybe the lady who dropped her daughter off and then left made Jamison fearful I might do the same. Maybe it is the realization that in 5 months he will no longer be my only baby. Whatever the reason I knew the potential for him to enjoy gymnastics was there I just had to find out where it went.

Today, as usual, he clung to me but I could see it in his wiggly little body that he so badly wanted to be out there with the other kids, especially with his best pal Madeleine who kept looking at him with longing eyes and even offered to hold his hand. I was the only mom sitting out there with the kids. I was the only mom whose kid refused to participate. I felt, like the previous days in gymnastics class, like I wore a scarlet letter across me chest. No, a scarlet sentence that said, 'this is the mom who has raised a clingy, needy, dependent toddler'. Even so, despite the writing across my chest, I would gently remind him that he had two choices at gymnastics; he could watch Madeleine do it or he could do it too. He seemed to be choosing to watch Madeleine every time.

This morning I dressed him in a shirt I designated his "daddy power shirt". He wore it with pride as I told him daddy infused it with power so that this very special shirt would make sure he had fun in gymnastics. You can imagine my disappointment when he accidentally peed on it while going potty before we headed out for class. To my surprise he was quite devastated when I told him we would have to change his shirt. He really wanted to wear his "daddy power shirt" which meant he believed in it! Fortunately the mind of a my two year is flexible and he quickly calmed when I informed him that it just so happens I had one other "daddy power shirt". So with a quick change of shirts off we went to gymnastics ready to give it a try...again. This time armed with a daddy power shirt and the okay by the gymnastics teacher (teacher Krista) to sit out there with him(a privilege no other parent got or needed for that matter) I was feeling hopeful.

So here I am the only adult, being watched by other adults, with my son in my lap next to a crew of kids and a teenage teacher watching them all participate in gymnastics. All of them, except Jamison. His body wiggle as he wanted to run with the other kids, he squirmed as he desired to touch his head to his toes, he bounced as he wanted to pretend to fly across the room with everyone else but his little body never wiggled, squirmed or bounced out of my lap. Finally, I gave up. I told Jamison I was going back to where the other mommies where and that he was welcome to come with me or stay and play with the other kids. He chose to come with me.

I walked back, with my head hanging low, I couldn't make eye contact with any of the other parents, after all their kids were doing just fine. To make matters worse this is not like Jamison. He has always been fine venturing away from me and exploring his world without me right by his side. I am not quite sure how to handle this new change in him. I reached my friend, Madeleine's mom, and as usual she gave me a look of "I so know how you are feeling" as she had been walking in my shoes just a few weeks before me. It was reassuring no doubt. So for the third week in a row, I held Jamison tight and chatted with Laurel while the three of us watched Madeleine do her jumps, tumbles and hops with complete enjoyment.

After Gymnastics was about two thirds of the way done Jamison said "Mommy, I want to do mastics over there" as he pointed at all the kids. Yeah right I thought. I had been here before, walking him back and forth between the waiting area and the area where the kids are, all the while being watched by each parent quietly wondering will this poor lady's kid do it this time. I hesitated, I just didn't think I could handle that walk again. Jamison said it again "mommy, I want to do mastics". I asked J if he wanted me to walk him over. He said yes. Despite my doubt I started walking him over. I stopped short of the kids as I was not comfortable sitting out by the kids for no reason all over again. He held tight to my hand, a death grip, as if his life depended on it. I walked him farther, He held tighter. His little fingers wrapped tightly around my pointer finger as he tugged me towards the other kids. I wiggled my finger trying to escape. I was not comfortable going any farther, I already felt like there was a spot light on me. He pulled me harder as he squeezed my finger with all his 2 1/2 year old might. I gave in and continued to walk with him. Screw the spotlight, I thought. We got to the edge of the mat, I quietly told him this is as far as I could go, as I was only 2 feet away from the kids, a familiar position as I had only been there just 10 minutes ago and what felt like miles away from any of the other parents.

I noticed Madeleine had begun beating at Teacher Krista's leg, pulling at her pants and yelling at her with joy, excitement and urgency. "Jamison's coming, Jamison's coming, Jamison's coming" she yelled over and over again. I thought to myself sorry Madeleine but probably not today, probably not ever I was curious if the other parents wondered how many times I would try this without success. As I stood there feeling a tad sorry for M that she didn't have her best friend with her Jamison let go of my hand for what I thought would be the freedom to simply turn around and grab desperately at my waist. To my surprise and perhaps everyone else who had been watching this all unfold for the last three weeks, he took a seat with the other kids. I too sat down right there on the floor just a couple feet away from him in my very uncomfortable spot light. Jamison participated for the last 10 minutes of a 45 minute class and I could not have been more ecstatic and thankful for that 10 minutes of participation!!!!

When Jamison was done I grabbed him and told him how proud of him I was and that he too should be proud of himself. It did take courage to do what he did. He had a fear and he pushed himself out of his comfort zone to experience gymnastics. His eyes gleamed as mine filled with tears, maybe it was pregnancy hormones maybe it was simply being a proud mommy, but for the rest of the afternoon he jumped around with happiness pretending to "stick it," the stance gymnasts take after doing a move. Once buckled in the car Jamison said "mommy, I want ars cream". Funny. I had completely forgotten that earlier today Jamison had gotten in his toy car and said he was going to the store to get "strawberry ars cream". In my desperation I told him I would get him some ice cream if he tried gymnastics today. Now, I'm not for bribing as a parenting tool but I was desperate, desperate enough to offer a bribe I knew he wouldn't take as he muttered "I don't want arc cream"; I know ice cream was not on his mind when he bravely took a seat with the other kids and I'm happy for that none the less I got the kid some ice cream and we had a celebration!