Birth Story As I Rememner It

This will be sloppy and quick but I figured I better get this down before I forget and just 48 hours later I know I have already started the forgetting process.

I woke up at 3am having short and mild contractions but not so short or mild that I was able to go back to sleep again. I tried. After 30 minutes and several contractions later I accepted I would probably be up for a while and got out of bed. I went into the living room, got some snacks and began focusing through my contractions. I appreciated the time alone and was enjoying trying different positions that worked for me. I wasn't having any difficulty getting through each contraction but was "practicing" for when things got harder.

Around 5am Rob got up to go for his bike ride, he didn't even know I wasn't in bed, so when he walked into the living room to find me kneeling over the couch he was a bit surprised. I told him I had been having regular contractions for the last couple hours but that he should go ahead and go on his bike ride, just that he needed to keep it short. He refused and I was happy as this meant we could go for a walk together. We woke my mom up to let her know what was going on and also so we could put Jamison into her bed. We didn't want him to wake up and wonder where we were. At this point my mom told me that before bed she had lit a candle and said a prayer for me to start labor. It worked! So around 530 in the morning Rob and I went walking around our neighborhood together. The morning air was just the right temperature, low 70s, there was a bright sliver of a moon in the sky and the birds were just beginning to chirp. We stayed close to home but walked around the block many times while Rob timed my contractions using a super cool cell phone program. Sometimes I was able to keep walking through the contractions but sometimes I would have to stop and lean onto Rob while I waited for them to pass. After I was no longer comfortable walking around we went back home to labor some more there. I spent time leaning on Rob, leaning on the pony wall, leaning over the birth ball and even in the tub.

My mom and Jamison eventually woke up and Jamison was so quiet and so gentle through all of it. He did not worry about me; Noni made sure to inform him that I was working very hard to bring his baby sister here and that he needed to be calm and quiet for me. He did a wonderful job at this. After several more hours my contractions were getting pretty strong relative to the ones I was having earlier and I had some spotting, something I never had while in labor with Jamison. I had hope that I was at least making some progress, though still concerned this could end up like my previous labor; no progression that ended in a cesarean delivery.



We contacted our Doula and requested her to come to our house at this point but just a few minutes later decided we would meet her at the hospital as both Rob and I were getting anxious. We left my mom and Jamison so that they could make arrangements for him to be picked up. We headed for the U of U hospital around 10AM but not before my very sweet son gently helped me get my flip flops on.

Before labor started I was petrified of the car ride but it wasn't as bad as I thought even with bumper to bumper traffic down foothill blvd. I spent the entire car ride on my knees in the front seat leaning over the back of it. With each contraction I visualized the word "OPEN". I was so afraid this would be just like my previous labor that the word "OPEN" seemed the most appropriate word to think of. My labor had, after all, started similar to Jamison's. Both started at 3 in the morning and both started with no dilation and little effacement. Not to mention baby was not in an anterior position, much like J, to only farther discourage me.

None the less I remained hopeful. Hopeful that I would get to the hospital and be at least a 6. If I was a 6 I would be so happy, I thought. Once at the hospital the nurses immediately put me in the closest room and began asking a battery of questions to check me in. Rob answering all of them of course. I was told to get undressed from the waist down before they could start checking baby's heart rate but I was never asked to put on a hospital gown. No one cared that I remained in my own nighty. This was significant to me because I specifically did not want to have to deal with changing my clothes during labor. They hooked me up to the monitor all the while letting me take the time and positions I needed to make it through each contractions. "Good job, girl. Your doing great" both nurses kept saying; quite a contrast from being held down by one of the nurses while laboring with Jamison. Once they got a heartbeat on the monitor they had me lay down to check for dilation. I'll admit, this part was not fun as laying down was extremely uncomfortable and painful. I was even less happy when they told me I was a 4 1/2. I was hoping for so much more and all I could do was chuckle a bit. The nurses said "You must be happy about this given your smile" I informed them it was a smile of disappointment. At this point I told myself I will wait to get settled in with my doula and my midwife before I make any decisions about pain medication.

After they determined baby's heart rate was fine and that I would be admitted I was taken to the room I would actually be delivering in. I honestly have no memory of how I got to that room, probably walking, but once there I was able to lean over a birth ball, and have my full support team there and available to me. My doula showed up, my mom showed up and I even got the midwife I was hoping would be on call. My midwife came walking in while I was in the middle of a contraction, she walked up and did a hip squeeze thing that immediately helped relieve the intensity of the contraction. From then on out someone (sometimes two people at a time) applied the same pressure to my hips with every contraction. I was taking it one contraction at a time while everyone was encouraging me, rubbing my back, pressing in certain areas to decrease the pain and various other ways of keeping me going. All of it,every bit of it, was so very helpful. Every women in the room, as well as the one man, were doing everything perfect. Absolutely perfect. Every touch, every word of encouragement, everyone was working together to make this easier for me and it worked. My midwife left briefly to get some essential oils and returned to spray them around the room. I could feel the mist hitting my back and the smell was refreshing.

At one point the nurse asked me "you plan on going un-medicated, right?" I laughed and told her that was yet to be decided. She responded with "Well, if you want pain relief that is your choice but I will not bring it up again, so if you want it you can ask". Prefect I thought.


I continued to labor. My Doula reminding me to relax and to moan low, rubbing my back and helping me stay focused. My midwife rubbing my back and feet all the while monitoring my well being as well as my baby's. My mom moaning with me to remind me to keep my sounds low and productive. It was perfect, I was very comfortable making whatever noises I needed knowing my mom was right there doing it too! My sweet husband gently whispering in my ear that I was doing a good job, helping with hip squeezes and taking me to the bathroom whenever I needed. When I was checked again I was a 7 1/2. I had a bit of a negative attitude as I was sure my labor wouldn't progress like last time. I complained that I was only a 7 1/2 but my doula gently reminded me I was farther dilated than I ever did with my last labor. My midwife pointed out how fast I had gone from a 4 1/2 to over a 7. At this point they had to change the location of the fetal monitor from high up on my right side to down low on my left side; baby had rotated to a better position and was down low! I continued taking it one contraction at a time all the while thinking, if I want drugs I can get them, but to be honest I was not interested in them coming in and messing with me; making me lay down, making me get IV fluids etc. Some positions were so horribly painful I thought if I ask for an epidural and they make me lay down I will die, it just didn't seem worth it. So I kept relying on my support team to make things bearable. I cannot emphasize enough the tricks these ladies knew and shared with my mom and Rob were amazing. The words each person said, the touch, the scents that were sprayed it was all too much to even ask for yet I got it all. Everyone worked so well together it was just perfect.

I soon began getting the urge to push as well as some rectal pressure. With each contraction my moans changed from pain coping sounds to grunting sounds. "I think she's pushing" I heard someone say. "I think I'm pushing" I said in response. It was almost over I thought but really it was only beginning! I was standing and could not for the life of me lay down. My midwife checked me while I stood but did mention it was a hard position to check in. She thought I might be a 10 and told me if I had the urge I could push if I wanted. So I pushed. Little nudges but not much more. My midwife requested I lay on my side on the bed so that she could check me better as she felt a little unsure about her last check. She was extremely apologetic when she had to give me the bad news that I was really still an 8. "AN 8!" I exclaimed. "I can't do this, I can't do this" I began saying. I was an 8 twenty minute ago, which isn't long, but at the time felt like an eternity for no changes. "I want an epidural". My doula mentioned breaking my water as one option to speed things up, I declined as I was terrified things might get more intense than I felt I would be able to handle. My birth team supported my decision so we left them intact. Everyone reminded me that an 8 was really good.

My midwife, sensing fear spilling over from my last birthing experience, got eye level with me and gently but sternly said, "Meghan, this is not like your last. This is different".

My doula encouraged met to go 3 or 4 more contractions and then reevaluate. I agreed to go 2 more but it would be many more before I brought up pain medication again, mainly because I slipped so far into a different place there really wasn't much room to think about anything other than getting through it. It was around this time Rob and my mom started offering me some personal items I had brought with me intended to give me strength. I chose a charm Rob had given me at the conclusion of our birth class and focused on it in my hand.



After a few more contractions my doula and midwife suggested I change positions, I chose to stand at the edge of the bed again. Another contraction! Another slight urge to push and immediately I felt like I had been hit by a freight train. My water broke the pressure changed, the sensation changed and I collapsed. My knees buckled and I completely collapsed into a squat as my arms reached up holding onto the edge of the bed. My mom was holding tight to my arms from across the other side of the bed, my doula, midwife and Rob all holding me up from behind. I screamed, no moaned. I never screamed, I was never scared. I had no control of my body, none, every single muscle pushed without asking for permission and pushed with a fierce strength I never knew I had. My body had completely taken over. Imagine standing on a train track and suddenly, without warning, a train comes and slams into you from behind, you never saw it coming. That is the best way I can explain the intensity of having that urge to push. Finally the pressure, the train, it stopped. I stood up, I breathed, I relaxed. I almost felt like I could fall asleep but not enough time; another contraction, another chance for my muscles to take over. I collapsed again, being held up by my team, I moaned, I felt pain and pressure so severe, so strong, so intense I had checked out of my body...but I wasn't scared. I trusted my team and they continuously reassured me I was doing good. I knew if anything went wrong I was taken care of, I was safe. I could focus solely on getting my baby out. My midwife began instructing the nurses to get the squat bar. I wasn't collapsing as I had thought. I was giving into my bodies desire to squat! In between contractions I climbed up onto the bed and was told how to effectively use the squat bar. It was a great place to be at that time in my labor; brilliant was my Midwife to recognize the need for it. More contractions, more pushing, more freight train, more giving into my body.

I even joked "is it too late for an epidural?" I asked in between pushing. I was told by many natural birthing mamas the pain stops when the pushing starts. To that I say bullshit. I was looking forward to pushing the entire time in hopes of finding some relief. My doula put it best when I met her before labor "you welcome the change in sensation" this is true but that "change in sensation" came with other things that were not necessarily welcomed. Regardless I was happy to be getting close. At his point my midwife noticed I still had a "lip" left on my cervix, pretty bad news to me but turns out it was as simple as her going "let me see if I can just push this out of the way" and away it went, no biggie.

"Meghan, do you want to feel her head?" I said no. Not sure why I wasn't interested in such an amazing opportunity but my Midwife knew it was one I wouldn't want to miss. "Meghan, reach down here and feel her head" I did it. My response, "that is it? That is hardly out" I was such a downer. I had spent the entire labor concerned of not progressing like last time. It seemed no matter how much amazing progress I made I was convinced it wasn't enough. So my amazing birth team, yet again, reminded me of my great progress.

I kept pushing when I had the urge and relaxing when I didn't. My midwife patiently watched and waited and simply supported me. Then her demeanor changed a bit. She began telling me I needed to push and push hard, even instructing me to push in between contractions. She looked at me, she was serious. "I need to do an episiotomy. I haven't done one in 4 or 5 years, I'm so sorry". I remember talking about episiotomies at the clinic. The Midwives were against them, they didn't believe in any benefits. There was only one situation that warranted an episiotimy: an emergency. I wasn't scared, I trusted my team.

"Will you numb it?"
"Nope, baby's head on the perineum is a natural anesthesia, you won't feel it." she was right, I didn't feel a thing.

I kept pushing until I felt her head slide out! The burning and pain decreased immediately and it felt as though the rest of her slid right out. I later learned, due to a tight cord, my midwife did some cool midwife trick to help get her out. A quick check by the midwife to make sure all was okay and just like that she was on my chest. She was damp but easy to hold onto, not slippery like I thought she would be. Her smell, it was 'earthy'. It was pleasant, it was the scent of life, of hard work, of strength beyond comprehension, it was of me and her. I will never forget her smell. So distinct but completely hard to describe.



Her apgars were great 8 and 9. She was perfectly healthy! The scare came because her heart rate had dropped to 60 and was not going back up between contractions. According to one of the midwives that checked on me shortly after delivery, when fetal heart tones drop below 80 and don't go back up the staff prepares for a resuscitation, hence the episiotomy, "in that situation 5 minutes can make the difference" she said. Her cord was wrapped tightly around her neck, her arm and her body. In most situations the cord around the neck is not a big deal however in my baby's situation it was very tight. My amazing midwife did some cool midwife trick where you keep baby's head close to mom's thigh and flip her around doing some somersault thingy, apparently it's something to do when the cord is too tight. Rob got to watch and said it was pretty cool. I hardly knew any of this was going on, I never felt scared. I trusted my team.

"Can someone get the resident?" My midwife asked. She had begun stitching me. I looked at her face and she was focused. She kept inspecting me, stitching me, cleaning me but the resident never came. No one got him, no one listened to her. "I need someone to get Jacob right now" she snapped at the nursing staff. I had lost 500mls of blood. Anything over 500mls is a hemorrhage but I never felt scared.

Jacob came in and I was offered an epidural while they did repairs. Apparently some areas were deep enough inside and bad enough it was difficult to get the lidocaine shot there. I declined the epidural. I was not about to go through what I just went through only to have an epidural for some stitches. They numbed me up as best they could, which wasn't good enough and what seemed like over an hour (and probably was) I had a clean bill of health!

Baby girl born July 25, 2011 8 lbs 4.5 oz at 2:05 PM.

I DID IT!





Now that I have experienced a highly medicated and surgical delivery as well as a completely un-medicated delivery I have some opinions on both. If a woman wants an epidural I think she is making a good choice for herself. If a woman wants a drug free birth I think she is making a good choice for herself AND I know she can do it!