While standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, I lifted my shirt just above my growing pregnant belly to admire my newly formed baby bump. The fact that my body was creating a life, a human, to eventually be a unique and separate being of its own is nothing short of a miracle. I gazed in the mirror with a glow only a pregnant woman carries while daydreaming about the future of my family when Jamison, while using the potty, began to laugh. I looked at him to see what the commotion was about. He looked at my pregnant stomach, then back at me, "that's freak'n huge" he exclaimed. I'm only 14 weeks; he ain't seen nothing yet!

The other day I decided to pull out the few gray hairs I had acquired. I began pulling them out one by one only to realize there was a lot more than just a few. My co worker said in her culture you receive one gray hair for every good deed you do. I guess that explains why they all came after having my first child. I have done a few "good deeds" in my life prior to raising a kid but nothing as good as totally and utterly, selflessly giving myself to the development and well being of Jamison. So my gray hairs might be because I'm getting old, or because having a child is stressful, but maybe they are due to the fact that being a mom is certainly at the top of the selfless job list and all those good deeds are really starting show up on my head. That being said, I realized as I gave up the fruitless task of removing each gray hair, I have not posted a blog in a long time. The connection between gray hair and not blogging: time. I honestly intended this to be a type of journal but just like every other journal I have attempted to maintain this has become forgotten. So what better way to get back onto the blogging horse by documenting my aging self. Joking.

Seriously, that is not what I would like to wright about. I want to wright this blog specifically so that I can say "Rob, go read the blog I wrote today" I know, off subject but I have been thinking lately how I want to spend my Christmas money and all the things that come to mind are not specifically for me but rather for the greater good of the family; new (deep pocketed) sheets for our bed, a bread mixer, a juicer, etc. Rob, on the other hand, already has his Christmas money spoken for on items to serve himself; biking gear etc. I hate the idea of the wife getting a vacuum while the husband gets a bowling ball and I have refused to let that fate become me. I insisted I would spend MY money on something for ME. So I thought, "what do I want?". Nothing came to mind. NOTHING. I really could not think of one thing I wanted just for me! Then it occurred. The reason the wife gets the vacuum and the husband gets the bowling ball is not because the wife is suppressed and controlled by her asshole husband but because women are more selfless than men. Men think of things they want for themselves and women think of things they want for the family. I realize I am generalizing, there is a reason why we sometimes speak in generalization. I'm aware, like any other time we generalize, this is not going to hold true for everyone but bare with me here. Yep, that is right women are selfless and men are, well a little less selfless (dare I say selfish?). Ladies, are you gleaming with joy yet? Rob, are you pissed yet?

Shortly after I had this thought it occurred to me. Yeah, no doubt moms (and women in general) tend to be pretty selfless but what about dads? Rob goes to work everyday so that I can stay home and take Jamison to gymnastics, play groups and the aquarium. Rob gives up precious time watching his son grow so that I can spend my time doing just that: watching Jamison grow. Rob lets me spend my time volunteering with LLL making no money instead of requesting I spend my time in such a way that offers more monetary gains for the family. I know we all want stuff: cars, toys, clothes etc but Rob is willing to give that up as well as HIS time with HIS son so that I can enjoy being "selfless" by taking Jamison to the zoo, the farm and enjoy a sunny day at the park, while he sits in a building working hard for the family. Taking all the financial pressure and responsibility for the family is a pretty selfless act too. So when I said above that being a "mom is selfless" yeah that is true but so is being a dad and a husband. Rob deserves to gets something just for him, that is what will make him happy. I will be happy with my bread mixer, after all I really do enjoy making good, healthy bread for the family.

I know many stay at home moms have given up their career (and that is a lot to give up) to partake in a stressful, thankless job but obviously the alternative must be worth it or we wouldn't do it.

With that being said, I understand there are many, many family dynamics that include both parents working (or even stay at home dads) and that doesn't mean the mom or dad is any more or less selfless or selfish. We all make sacrifices for our family's, moms and dads, no matter the dynamics of our situation. I respect all parents who are genuinely loving, nurturing and respectful to their children.

Today my mom came to Music Together with me and Jamison. The energy she brought to the class was amazing. I know I felt it, I know Jamison felt it and I know the teacher felt it, as was evident when she shouted amongst every one singing and dancing, "I love how Grandma is feeling the music"! I am sure other children and moms felt her energy too. She even bought Jamison a drum and some other wood music maker. She took some pictures with her camera phone so I hope we will have one or two good ones. If so, I'll post them here.

After music class all the kids ran over to a little stand with various small music making toys and pillaged it. They pulled many of the toys out and left them on the ground. When Jamison ran over to join in I was quick to tell him; "these toys aren't ours, we can't play with them unless we buy them and we're not going to buy them. Lets put them back." His face flooded with disappointment as he politely put them back despite other kids pulling them out. Once the storm calmed and all the kids were gone, leaving various toys on the ground, Jamison was quick to point out "mess" and quickly clean it all up.

Then he informed me he had to potty. I was sure it was poop as he never requests to pee outside of the house. In fact he rarely requests to poo outside of the house. When we got to the bathroom and took his diaper off, I put him on the toilet and he peed. Then said "all done" I couldn't believe it! Another step towards a diaper free world for me!

As I sit here typing I am listening to Jamison singing various fragments of his Music Together songs. It melts my heart to watch him grow. Anyway, while I am waiting to see if my mom's pictures turned out enjoy this video of Jamison playing his new drum!!!!!!!!!

As I'm cleaning the kitchen this morning I wondered when my sleepy boy would get up. Usually he doesn't sleepy much more than 15 minutes after Rob and I get out of bed. Lately we have been piling pillows up next to him when we get out of bed hoping this will trick him into thinking it is us right next to him so he will sleep until his hearts content. It seems to be working because this morning he was sound asleep all through Rob's workout, my shower and us getting to eat breakfast together. I even got to clean the kitchen a bit when suddenly I heard the song that goes like

"you all ready for this"

I looked and there was my little boy holding his birthday present from my in laws. A car that looks "gansta" with a turn table on it and all. The car sings, you guessed it "you all ready for this"

Too funny. We were actually ready for "this"!

Birthday Boy

So it happened. My baby turned 2! I cannot believe how much we have grown together. I am amazed to watch him take what I teach him and apply it to his little life. I am amazed at how much he has taught me and how I can apply it to my little life. Being a parent is utterly mind blowing. I cannot even articulate how wonderful it is! I must admit such a reward does not come without hard work but I cannot think of a better thing to work hard for than my son!

He started the day out as a bit of a grump.




But cheered up when his Sock Monkeys arrived!



I have to admit I was very unprepared for Jamison's birthday. I think that is something he will have to learn to live with in this family. Rob nor myself are the type to plan big parties, or celebrations. Between work and a good fight with a stomach virus I was unable to get a cake, card or present; absolutely nothing. I did however make sure I took the day off and so did Rob. That is what Jamison cares about most anyway; time with his mom and dad. The innocence that leads him to care little about monetary objects and more about quality time is something I think we can all learn from. None the less I have to give thanks to my Grammy for saving the day. I was not too worried that I had nothing for him as Grammy came to the rescue with her box of Sock Monkeys she sent him. I was happy he had something to open on his birthday and so was he!

He was pretty into the fact that every time he reached into the box more Sock Monkey paraphernalia was in there for his little hands to grab onto.







Right away he started nursing the "baby" Sock Monkey. In his own words "nurse baby". I told him what a good daddy he was.




After he got his Sock Monkeys we headed off to Wheeler Farm at Jamison's request. "Farm with Lola" he said when given the option of what to do. I do have farm pictures but they were taken
with Rob's camera so I don't actually have access to them right now. After the farm we went to the store to get his (and Rob's) favorite cupcake mix so I could make them while Jamison slept. After nap time Jamison was surprised with cupcakes!! We sang happy birthday, and watched Jamison try to blow out 2 candles. He struggled but with dad's help they did it together!










After a haircut and a sushi dinner this fun packed day finally came to an end. Tomorrow we head to Southern Utah to celebrate his birthday some more! Jamison loves red dirt!

"Jamison Sad"

Part of my parenting priorities is to help my little toddler learn how to identify his emotions. As early as I can remember I would say such things to him as "You must be frustrated" or "you must be sad" or "I can tell you feel angry". I often wonder when my carefully chosen words and well thought out phrases will pay off.

When Jamison is screaming because he can't find a toy and all I want to do is scream back "find it yourself" I take a deep breath, I control my own frustration, and I might say something like "You must be frustrated, maybe we can look for your toy together" If I cannot control myself enough to reason with Jamison I will say something to the tune of "Jamison, you must feel frustrated. Mommy feels frustrated too. Can you give mommy a minute. I think I need a time out." Believe it or not, when I put myself in time out he almost always gives me a few minutes to calm myself down. This doesn't mean that I never snap and yell or stomp my feet just like my almost 2 year old but when I do I make sure to apologize for my inappropriate behavior.

So all this deep breathing and emotion identifying and I still find myself wondering when will it pay off. My answer, today! When Jamison was upset and crying over wanting more of my attention he wheeled himself over to me using a Flinstone like driving technique in his "truck" aka sports coupe, looked at me with his teary little eyes and said "Jamison sad". I was so happy! No, not happy that my son was sad, happy that he was able to articulate it. How amazing it is to watch my baby grow into a little person? How amazing is it that I get to be the one to teach him such skills as identifying which emotion it is he is feeling? I'm so lucky and so blessed that I get to be Jamison's mommy!

Day 1 of training...

SUCKED!!!! Starting running is harder than starting P90X. Seriously, who runs? What kind of freak runs? I know I'm running only because my husband signed me up for a 1/2 marathon. He says he asked but I don't remember.